I Love Lina
by ArtisteFish
Summary: An AU, inspired by an offhand remark - It's hard being a soldier, and even harder leaving the fight to become a housewife. Lina may not know what she's supposed to do, but that won't keep her from doing what she wants. Drabble series.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is just a crazy little alternate universe fic that popped into my head after I got my copy of Slayers Premium. I was watching one of the bonus features which is an interview with Crispin Freeman (the uber-amazing English voice of Zelgadis), where he was asked about what he thought the hypothetical next phase of the Slayers show might be like, since Slayers Premium was supposed to be the last hurrah for the original four characters. Of course years later they made two new seasons, so the question is kinda obsolete now. However, his answer was totally amazing and I agreed with him 100%. Too bad the Japanese writers didn't hear it. Anyways, his response was that since they've already had so many adventures and developed so much as characters and in their relationships with each other and what not, the next obvious step was to take the show in an "I Love Lucy" route where you have two dysfunctional couples, and the show is basically centered on the mayhem that ensues from these characters and their interactions.

… From the minute he said that, I had no choice but to make it happen.

So, after trying and failing to get a visual picture of what these characters would look like in such a setting (I'll try again later) I decided to write up a little drabble of what the Slayers would be like in a domestic 50's setting. Personally I think it sounds like a lot of fun.

And I know he was talking about this in the context of the show (meaning medieval-ish life and what have you) but I couldn't get the "I Love Lucy" image of them out of my head. So thank you Crispin Freeman, first off for planting this amazing little idea in my head, and second for being so supportive of canon couplings! (He _so_ sums up Zel and Amelia better than anyone: "He's just such a grouch, and she's the ultimate optimist, so of course they're perfect for each other!")

Anways, on with my somewhat crack-y story, "I Love Lina"!

… Please don't take it too seriously.

…..

"Gourry…"

"Lina…"

"Please Gourry?"

"Lina-"

"PLEASE Gourry?"

"Lina, I've already told you – "

"Just this ONCE? Pretty Please?"

"Lina, I can't – "

"With a cherry on top?"

"A cherry? Are you making a pie, Lina? Can you make that one with the… HEY! Don't change the subject!"

"Gourry, you promised this ONE time I could – "

"When the heck did I promise anything?"

"But… but I'm your wife!"

"Lina, that doesn't change a thing! You are not coming with me to training camp, and that is FINAL!"

Lina Gabriev stared up at the tall form of her husband, a vein throbbing in her temple as she placed small hands on her hips and planted her feet.

"And just who the heck are YOU to boss ME around, huh? I can do whatever I want!"

Gourry sighed wearily as his small wife stared him down. She was barely two thirds his height, yet that glare had sent men larger than him screaming in terror more than once.

"Listen. Lina, you're not in the military anymore. I can't just let you tag along during training. And besides, I don't want anything to happen to you –,"

"JUST STOP right there buddy. I was in the military for two years before I met you! I managed fine on my own!"

"Yeah, but Lina, that was different. It was a war! People didn't mind if you went crazy with the weapons! But you know this is a different program; the guys in charge won't like it if you go all gung-ho with their expensive guns. Besides, you're married now! You've got a family to raise and a house to maintain!"

'It's just the two of us and I HATE housework!' Lina thought angrily, repressing a growl. But she wasn't about to give up yet. Letting her shoulders slump, she turned away, working up tears as she said softly, "Don't you understand Gourry… you're gone almost every weekend… I just… I miss you." She turned her watery eyes back up to her husband, her bottom lip pouting out as she brought her hands up and went in for the kill. "I just want to be with you. Always."

"Lina…" Gourry replied just as softly, bringing his large hands up to rest on her shaking shoulders, "… you and I both know the only thing you miss is shooting guns."

Lina swore in her head, turned, and stormed off, though not before jabbing a bony elbow in her husband's gut.

…..

Lina tore into her work with a vengeance, chopping into the vegetables with such malice one would think they had threatened her personally. Of course her terrifying glares were not quite aimed at the food in particular (she could never be angry with food, it being one of her treasures in life) but at her idiot husband who always left her behind when he went to go for combat training every weekend.

'I mean it's not like I've never done combat training before…,' she thought angrily, ' I was the head of the women's division at Fort Ruby Eye! NO ONE could shoot a gun like Lina Inverse! Especially when they brought out the big guns….' A twisted smile etched its way onto her face, her chopping becoming more erratic as she reminisced. 'And when they let us fly the planes – WATCH OUT world! _Nothing_ could take me down, and no one could escape. After all, I wasn't known as 'The Nazi Killer' for nothing!'

Her hands were moving at almost uncontrollable speeds at this point, and things may have gotten ugly if her train of thought hadn't been suddenly interrupted by a high-pitched yell of "MISS LINA!"

As it was, her hand stopped abruptly in an upright position, while the knife continued in its momentum to slip from her grasp and lodge into the wall behind her, barely missing the tail of a grinning cat clock.

Lina stared sweating at the butcher knife, which was now only visible by the handle, and then turned a fierce glare at the one who had interrupted her.

"What the heck are you trying to do, Amelia? Give me a heart attack?"

Amelia rubbed at her forehead underneath her purplish-black bangs, sighing in relief and trepidation.

"Miss Lina, if I hadn't said something, you would've chopped off your fingers!"

Lina merely scoffed and folded her arms across her apron.

"I would not. I was totally in control of the situation. I was just… trying to get dinner ready as soon as possible! Gourry's gonna be home from work any minute, and - ," Lina paused as a thought struck her. She turned to the small girl next to her and said, eyebrows raised "Speaking of which, why are _you_ over _here_? Shouldn't Zel be coming home soon too?"

Amelia turned her face away quickly to stare at the floor, her small hands fiddling with the edges of her white apron, which Lina just noticed had multiple dark spots that looked suspiciously like soot.

"Well… you see…," she trailed off, unable to bring her eyes to meet her red-headed friends. "I was baking a pot roast, and…."

Lina just stared levelly at the flustered girl. "Let me guess. You burnt it."

Amelia sniffled loudly, and suddenly fell to a heap on the floor with an anguished cry of "YES!"

"How does that even happen!"

"It was taking so long, so I just decided to turn it up so it would be ready in time, but then Gracia called, and then I had to go feed Mr. Pokota, and then the smoke alarm started going off, and then-,"

"Amelia, you gotta stop trying to multitask! Just tell your sister to call later, and feed that mangy rabbit beforehand!"

"But Miss Lina, they need me! Mr. Pokota's just a helpless animal, and Gracia's going through a tough time right now, and –"

"Naga's a lazy freeloader. We both know it."

"Oh Miss Lina, must you call her that? Just because she has a stage name now doesn't mean her real name disappeared! And she works very hard! In fact, she just got asked to do another show for the soldiers next week!"

"She was using that stage name before they started asking her to perform. And now that she's working as a showgirl for the USO she thinks she's better than me! Why are they even having shows now? There's not even a war going on! … Anyways, we're completely off topic now! The point is you've got to do something about your cooking skills! At this rate you're gonna end up burning down your whole kitchen!"

Amelia's lip trembled, and she burst into tears all over again.

The older woman simply stood and sighed, one hand lightly rubbing at the throb in her temple as her younger friend made a scene on her kitchen floor. It wouldn't be the first time.

"Look, Amelia, just wait until Zel gets home and have him cook something! You know he's good at it!"

Amelia's head shot up, her wet eyes filled with horror. "Oh no Miss Lina! I couldn't possibly do that! He works so hard every day at the office, and when he gets home he's always so worn out… it's the least I can do for him! And besides!" she lifted herself off the floor to strike a fist in the air, shouting "I'm his wife! I _should_ be able to cook for him! In the name of Justice, I must help take care of my husband who provides for us!"

Lina looked incredulous. "Amelia, he works for your Dad. The _Governor_. _He's_ the one who helps you out financially."

Now it was Amelia's turn to look incredulous. "Well… your husband works for him too!"

Lina colored a bit but turned back to her dinner preparations.

"That's not the point. The point is it wouldn't hurt every once in a while to have your husband cook to save the both of you from food poisoning. Besides, with the help your dad gives you, you could always go out to eat!" A sudden gleam shone in her eyes as she turned to the dark haired girl and said "and then you can always take your two best friends along with you as a friendly gesture!"

Amelia scowled at her friend, crossing her arms and saying "The last time we took you out to eat Miss Lina, you two nearly threw the state into debt! I'm not going to abuse Daddy's funds for your stomachs."

"Fine." Lina said, turning back to dressing a chicken. "If you're so desperate to make him something, why not try one of those new microwave dinners? They're fool proof! Or better yet, ask Sylpheal to teach you some recipes like I did!"

The younger girl deflated slightly and turned away, saying "But Mr. Zelgadis is so picky about what he eats, and you know I'm not big on technology… and as for Miss Sylpheal, she's always so busy over at the base…."

"Oh yeah…" Lina intoned. She had forgotten that their friend Sylpheal was currently working as a full-time nurse at the Sairague Military Hospital the next town over… the thought of one of their old military buddies only served to remind Lina of her earlier argument with Gourry, causing that same cloud of anger to hover over her mind once more.

Amelia noticed the change in her friend's expression, and tentatively placed a hand on the young woman's shoulder, saying softly, "Miss Lina? Is everything okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah…" Lina mulled a bit more, then began hesitantly, "It's just…."

"Mr. Gourry won't let you come with him to training."

"Wha- But… How did you know?"

Amelia looked at her with wide eyes. "What? Miss Lina, you always get like this before he leaves. Almost every week."

Lina continued to stew, though her face was steadily becoming red from having been so easily found out. "Yeah, well, he's just being stupid about it! Plenty of the men take their wives with them – "

"To bring them things and take care of them, not to train with them Miss Lina!"

Lina looked flabbergasted, putting a melodramatic hand over her heart as she started to say "But I would never -,"

"C'mon Miss Lina, we both know you wouldn't be there to make him cookies. Remember the last time he wouldn't let you come and you tried to sneak in?"

The red-headed girl was becoming a bright pink. "Well that's -,"

"You broke into the firing range and had shot off four guns before the guards were able to haul you off."

"Well yeah, but -,"

"And then that other time when you pretended to be a cleaning lady in order to sneak into the barracks and steal the loose weapons?"

"I just wanted to _borrow_ them, I -,"

"Or how 'bout that one incident when you dressed up as the director; though I must say, that was surprisingly convincing -,"

"ALRIGHT! I get the picture!"

Amelia chuckled nervously as the enraged women brandished a pepper shaker at her, implying bodily harm if she dared mention anymore 'incidents'.

At the younger girl's semi-pleading look, the red-head turned briskly to open the oven.

"I see what you're saying, but I wouldn't have to do those things if Gourry would just let me train with him! I mean really! It's just a little exercise to keep me in form - what's the worst that could happen?"

This time, Amelia wisely kept her mouth shut.


	2. Chapter 2

"I Love Lina" Chapter 2

*Author's Note: This chapter has a lot of background story for this fic (which, obviously and purposefully, is very similar to the Slayers anime storyline), but I tried to make it interesting, entertaining, and to the point. Let me know if that actually worked! ;) I'll be getting more into actual drabbles of these character's lives in the next chapter, but I felt that, since this is an AU, I had to do a little more set up for the story itself. So enjoy, and please review if you feel so inclined!

* * *

><p>Since it had been quite obvious that Amelia was in no position to make another attempt at cooking on her own, Lina graciously (or grudgingly) offered to let her eat with herself and Gourry if she helped out (or did all the tasks Lina didn't want to do).<p>

Faced with the option of forced menial labor or an empty table to offer her husband, Amelia rolled up her sleeves and got to work.

Helping Lina really wasn't so bad. Sure, her friend was pushy, overbearing, and a bit of a control-freak, but over the years the two women had formed a sort of sisterly bond. Having been stationed together many times throughout the war, Amelia had first gotten to know Lina after having to tend to many of the red-head's wounds, which she got far too often from being reckless.

Of course Amelia was plenty reckless herself.

She was still a young nurse in training when the war began, but once the chance to fight evil and spread justice to the world had surfaced, the petite brunette had jumped on the opportunity. With a little help from her governor father, she had little difficulty finding a spot in the ranks of nurses sent out to help the soldiers.

Her father never knew however that during that time, his little girl had taken every opportunity to join in the fighting herself.

It was this tenacity and her surprising brute strength that caught the attention of tough Lina Inverse and convinced her that this young girl was someone worth getting to know. The feisty soldier took the nurse under her wing, teaching her skills and fighting techniques well beyond the levels of even other soldiers. She even started teaching Amelia how to fly a plane: a tricky talent the young girl wasn't quite sure she was ready for, but did fairly well at.

Only Lina was able to fly the bombers however. No one had quite the same flair that she did when it came to explosives.

By the time Amelia and Lina had met, the latter had already been fighting alongside her partner Gourry for months. According to him, he had rescued her from a tight pinch once during a raid over in Eastern Europe, and had from that time decided to be her bodyguard. Lina just said he had gotten confused, lost his way, and decided to follow her around for the rest of the war.

Amelia believed the truth was probably a mixture of the two.

It wasn't until a month later that Amelia would meet her own partner: It had been a dangerous mission. A small group of soldiers, including Lina and Gourry, had been sent on an espionage mission to find a person responsible for leaking military information about their base.

Having shown her top notch abilities many times, Lina had been charged as leader of the small group, and chose Gourry and Amelia to come along as back up.

The team traveled just outside of Germany, keeping undercover and going through many interesting (and sometimes embarrassing) situations as they worked to keep their identities secret, and ended up at an old, seemingly abandoned mansion where their Intel had told them the target would be.

Soon enough they were met by their target: a sharp, dark-eyed woman named Eris who had once been an assistant to the great physicist, Doctor Rezo. Rezo was known throughout Europe and America as one of the greatest scientists and physicians of the age, though much about him was a mystery. He was legally blind, and somewhat of a recluse, though he never stayed in one place for too long. He travelled the world with his assistants, curing diseases and calamities in ways that were nothing short of miracles.

And apparently he had been killed by Lina and Gourry only a few months prior.

To say that Amelia had been shocked to find that out would be an understatement. She was however in enough control over her emotions that she was willing to hear why the woman she so admired had killed one of the great wise men of the time.

As it turned out, Rezo was not the great man everyone thought him to be. He had for many years been working secretly with Nazi Germany, experimenting with lethal chemicals and designing weapons for Adolf Hitler, while at the same time purporting to be working with the allied nations.

His real goal it seemed was to find a cure to his blindness, and lines between sides were of no importance.

In a last mad attempt to see, Rezo had sold out Lina and her companions to Hitler, in exchange for a large grant that might have allowed him to finally find a cure. However, his boss had other plans. He double crossed Rezo, and in an act of vengeance, Rezo had attacked the Nazis sent after him and been killed along with them as Lina took them out.

So it was shocking to Amelia, and even more so to Lina, to see this man who was supposedly dead, standing next to Eris and smiling.

The man introduced himself as Kopie, Rezo's brother, who was determined to pick up where Rezo left off and succeed where he had failed – in killing Lina Inverse and delivering the weapon info she carried to Hitler.

Just as they geared themselves to fight, one of the mansions windows was blown open as a figure in beige camos burst through, throwing daggers at the guards around Rezo and Eris.

Amelia had received many shocks that day, but was unprepared for this.

The newcomer was tall and slender, though well-toned, and his hair was a dingy gray color that had a surprising luminescence – almost like steel wire. His skin was pale, but covered in splotches of purplish-grey scar tissue that surrounded his eyes and ran along his jaw. His expression was harsh, but turned into an arrogant smirk as he addressed Lina and Gourry with a cocky "It's been a while."

Lina and Gourry seemed happy to see the mysterious stranger, but Amelia wasn't so sure of him. She knew it was wrong to judge, but he just seemed so… creepy and suspicious looking.

In hindsight, she realized that she probably shouldn't have said that to his face.

He eventually forgave her for it.

They escaped from that pinch, only to meet up with Kopie later on in an all-or-nothing showdown. The mysterious man, whose name was Zelgadis, turned out to be a good fighter and a loyal friend; that is, he had been ever since he had turned against Rezo and helped Lina kill him.

He seemed cold and heartless, but Amelia learned that it was all just an act to hide his overly-sensitive heart. She knew this had to be the case after she saw him selflessly rush into the line of fire to save Lina and their friend Sylpheal while fighting Kopie.

She was so moved she had jumped into the fray to protect him from a grenade (which luckily both had escaped, though with Gourry's help) to which he responded with a harsh yell and a gentle smile.

It had greatly confused her at the time, and made her heart flutter just a little.

It wasn't until years later that she finally found out why he always seemed so contradictory.

Rezo, it turned out, was Zelgadis' grandfather. The seemingly young scientist had managed to keep a youthful appearance over the years through his many experiments with chemistry, and didn't (in Amelia's opinion) look at all old enough to hold the title "Grandpa".

Zelgadis had been extremely loyal to him, even assisting in some of Rezo's illegal activities. It had all been for the greater good; or so Zelgadis had thought.

Desperate for sight and maddened by obsessive research, Rezo had used his own grandson as a guinea pig for his experiments. His attempts to create an ultimate soldier for the Germans resulted in his grandson receiving extensive and severe chemical burns, as well as prolonged exposure to radiation which altered his DNA, giving him heightened senses and tough, thick and leathery skin.

The betrayal cut Zelgadis deep, and he became obsessed in his own right with trying to find a cure for the damage done to his body. He became a wandering soldier, without rank or army, hiring his services out to raise money to continue his research.

After meeting up again with Lina and Gourry, he devoted his services to helping in their missions, and eventually became an army informant. Amelia saw much of Zelgadis throughout the end of the war, and afterwards persuaded him to travel back to America with herself and the others.

Despite her first impressions of him, she found him to be a smart, engaging person with a sharp mind and cool demeanor. She even became used to his strange looks, and could tell he had a handsome face beneath the scars.

Which, she later decided, weren't so bad in their own right. They added a certain ruggedness to him that was actually quite appealing.

Before long, she was smitten with him.

And three years after their initial shaky encounter, he revealed he was smitten with her too.

As the governor's daughter, she received a lavish wedding, which was changed into a double wedding when Lina and Gourry decided to make their partnership official. Since then, the four of them had been a close-knit group, living next door to each other in the same apartment complex and doing everything together.

…..

And so it was that Amelia found herself sat around a small table which was piled sky high with trays of food while her husband sat next to her, head in his hands in defeat, as her hosts stuffed themselves with terrifying gusto.

"Amelia," Zelgadis began in a low, but obviously agitated voice, "while I appreciate your concern for my well-being and the opportunity for a free meal we have presented to us here…" he trailed off ominously and closed his eyes, seething, before standing up suddenly and yelling over the pile of plates "It doesn't do any good if there's nothing left to eat!"

Gourry continued gobbling roast beef without batting an eye, and Lina managed an eye-roll while stuffing a chicken leg in her mouth.

"Oh c'mon Zel!" Lina mumbled through her meat, "there's plenty of stuff here for everyone!"

"Not at the rate you two eat! I haven't been able to get a single helping of anything!"

"Oh Mister Zelgadis, you're just not trying hard enough!" came Amelia's cheery reply.

Zelgadis rolled his eyes faintly at her address. Even after a whole year of marriage, she still added that prefix to his name. Being the Governors daughter, she was used to addressing people politely, and had used "mister" for him since they had first met, especially in front of company. He told her it really wasn't necessary, what with being married and all, but, well… she just couldn't help it. It was sort of a pet name.

Glancing back down at his wife, Zelgadis saw that her plate had a rather nice amount of food covering it.

He was incredulous.

"Amelia, how the heck did you manage to get all of that away from these vultures?"

Even as he watched, she deftly slipped her hand into the writhing mass of limbs to pull out a bread roll.

"It's simple Mister Zelgadis Honey," she said, now portioning food onto his plate, as well as adding a suffix to his already too long title, "you just grab _your_ food while they're fighting over _each other's_, and they never even notice!"

She smiled brightly at him, and he sat down with a thump to see his now full plate. He turned to face his small wife, a hint of awe in his eyes and a smile tugging at his lips.

"You amaze me sometimes, you know that?"

Amelia beamed back at him as she took another bite of mashed potatoes.

He just shook his head, still smiling, and started on his own meal.


End file.
